Omaha Relationship Counseling Blog

Finances and Couples: Aspects of Couples Work on Finance

I often see couples who have some aspect of their finances as a flash point for their problems. As a couples therapist working with them, I am not too concerned if they are going into debt or if they should use a high percentage credit card or how much should they pay for interest on a house: I am not a financial adviser in that I am not the one to tell them the best way to invest, save, or spend. They have come in as a couple and one of my tasks is, often, to help them get to the same place (or a lot closer) about their finances. And not getting to the same place is, I believe, what often has brought them to me seeking couples therapy, whether they understand that or not. When a couple gets to a financial difficulty, it often can also be seen as a conflict, about each thinking they know what to do, about each having values (often long standing) about what is the right thing to do or the right way to spend. But the issue in couples therapy is to get each of the partners to see that they may have to make some change if they are to be a couple. Sometimes they compromise; sometimes it goes one way and sometimes the other. That is, if they are willing to move beyond being locked in their position, if they are willing to work on being a couple (instead of just being a “single,” that is, just doing it his or her way). Often, the answer is in their ability to be a couple, to work toward closer mutuality.