Bringing Myself Into the Work
I try not, as a rule, not to talk much about myself or my relationship with my partner in my couples therapy sessions as a psychologist or even in writing about couples therapy. But I found myself building on something in a session with a couple, building on an issue that was happening in the couples therapy that also has happened at home, so I used an example from home and brought it into the couples therapy.
Hard to Say and Couples Therapy
The “Expert Couples Therapist” Reveals
The couple in the couples counseling session were saying how hard it is to talk about some matters (usually intimate or vulnerable matters or feelings or thoughts) with each other. I decided, in that moment, to “give” the couple an example from my own life so they could sit back for just a moment, see that they were not alone in this, and to see that it is something I (“the expert”) still have to work on (and I have been with one mate for a long time).
I brought up how my wife and I have worked hard on our relationship over the years, I am not her therapist or in “therapy mode” when I am with her, but it is important that we, like most all couples, work on things that are hard to say with each other. An issue had just come up for my wife and I at home, and I told the couple that I needed to say more to my wife about that issue, I needed to say more about my shortcoming that was part of the equation. I think and hope they appreciated that they are not alone in finding it hard to say some things, and that I struggle at times with the same issue, with saying intimate, vulnerable statements to my significant other.
And When It Is My Turn?
So, I went home, and low and behold, I thought about what I had said, and, because it was hard to say, I couldn’t bring myself to say it to my wife. It took me about three or four times of thinking of it, about 24 hours, to bring myself to say it to my wife. To admit that a my part of the issue we had talked about was my fault. But I did it. It was hard, and I am practiced at it, and my wife usually does not make it difficult for me, we are doing well as a couple. It is still, at times, very hard to say some words that are intimate, vulnerable, or that one feels strongly about. But it is often important to do so.
Will My Partner Read This?
My wife doesn’t read my blog. But realize very little of what I have said and revealed here about something that came up about my wife and I in a couples therapy session was not about my wife—it was about me. It can be very worthwhile to work at being vulnerable with someone you love and who loves you, and with someone who can reciprocate in opening up.
Time for Couples Therapy? You Are NOT Alone
- Struggle with saying what is hard to say, you are not alone
- Don’t always say what is hard to your partner
If you are balking at doing it very much or about important matters, you may want to consider couples therapy with your partner
Couples Omaha – Dr. Robert G. Kraft – Licensed Psychologist in Omaha, NE
Dr. Robert G. Kraft is a career psychologist in Omaha, NE. He earned his doctorate, as well as his bachelors and masters before that, from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, and has practiced in Nebraska ever since.
As well as maintaining his practice, Dr. Kraft is an Associate Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Creighton University School of Medicine, where he teaches residents about psychotherapy.
Call 402-330-0800 and leave a message to request a FREE half-hour phone consultation! Or Fill out our Contact Form