Omaha Relationship Counseling Blog

Mechanics of Couples Therapy and Looking Like You Have Failed

The Mechanics of Therapy

A therapist can help partners identify negative patterns in how the they interact with each other, with their children and with other adults. With a trained eye, the therapist is able to pinpoint undercurrents that make themselves felt in unexpected ways as the relationship plays out day to day.

Two people mired in a broken relationship don’t understand the submerged dynamics that cause them to repeat the same behaviors over and over, causing stalemates, anger and feelings of being overwhelmed. The therapist will work to demystify the dynamics, giving the couple the power to step away from an argument. The therapist can help the couple see strengths in each other, not just flaws.

After recognizing what’s going on, the couple can work on changing their dynamics, their ways of interacting. The therapist assists with this process by helping each put the reactions of the other in context. This leads to understanding. The therapist can give them small, practical steps to adjust how they communicate, leading to a relationship that is more satisfying for both.

The therapist seeks to strengthen their bonds of intimacy, helping each learn the others communication style and what makes each one feel cherished. Two people learn how to reassure and support each other, while getting their own needs met in the process.

But It’ll Look Like I’ve Failed

Some couples and their families feel there is stigma attached to seeking counseling, as if they have failed to live up to perceived standards. Asking for help can be embarrassing. So the couple waits it out, hoping the problem will resolve of its own accord. They think that maybe all they need is try harder.

Often that doesn’t work. Sometimes an infection just keeps getting worse, whatever home remedies you try. Soon the hand is hurting, then the arm and shoulder. By the time you get to the doctor, he says it must be amputated. Ridiculous. Of course you would seek medical help long before that.  But some couples keep putting off therapy in the hope the problem will get better by itself. It doesn’t and they seek a divorce lawyer instead.  Therapy is preventive medicine, much like wellness-oriented healthcare. The therapist gives you positive methods to apply to lingering problems. With education and experience, the therapist can spot patterns that stay hidden to you. The tools you learn help you resolve old issues and prevent new ones.

A guest author penned these words–what thoughts to they bring to mind for you?