Omaha Relationship Counseling Blog

YOU Change—Couples Therapy and It Is Always the Other

I have the suspicion that a majority of individuals who come to counseling about relationships think that someone else needs to change. In couples counseling, it is often the case that each patient tells me how the other (their spouse, significant other, etc.) is doing something wrong or something that causes problems. If the “Other” would just change things would be better. This last part is not said aloud, though I sometimes say it aloud, something I do when a thought or feeling is present in some way but not very fully expressed. “So if he would just do it your way then everything would be fine,” I might say (I have to be careful and not say this sarcastically or sound sarcastic, and I don’t mean it that way but it can be taken that way). We all would like others to do a number of things that would make our life easier. But in couples therapy, the two are usually locked into ways they each want the other to change and nothing is changing. So YOU have to change, or can you begin to think about that. It must be said that he/she has to change also…

So if you are in a relationship and locked in a conflict and find yourself thinking a lot about how he/she needs to change, try to also look at what you need to be changing. It could make a significant difference…